Hail

I don't know what to think, to be honest. So I go out, have a good time, feeling like a normal person, but halfway in I just start feeling like absolute shit. I am enjoying my time, and the people around and yet I feel like shit. I don't fucking know anymore. What can I do? How do I make it stop. I can't enjoy anything I do anymore.

Jokingly I said I love myself so much I don't have any love left for others. I always felt like it's the other way around... I have nobody to give the love to, so the only option is to love myself... and I don't as much as I say I do... again... I don't know... I find it so hard to define my thoughts and feelings... am I just being a whiny emo bitch? I guess...

I often try to think what is normal, what should I feel and  think... but I know that everybody is different and there really isn't a certain way to feel... yet I feel lost, I feel different, I feel confused, I feel isolated... one second I can be right in the conversation and the next second I see myself being in a completely different plane of thought... what the fuck... god damn it... motherfucker... somebody fucking explain this shit to me please... I just want to enjoy something for a change without my mind trying to genocide everything halfway through...

Also, DooM is 20 years old today... I feel ancient, have some doom metal: